The Quaker School Yard 101

How to write Quaker Hate Mail and divide our community.

The following is a real letter, with names removed. I wrote numerous letters to the writer to ask to come to clearness and apparently I am being shunned by him. As Friends know, I support multi-cultural Quakerism, so his apparent introduction of Amish culture into our own deserves a pat on the back from me, but I am being shunned, so it will have to come from others....

Following the letter is a bit of critique... The bold print is my commentary and the normal print is the original email...

Dear Lorcan,
I haven't known how to reply to your emails about _____. You do know that they asked me to do a weekend workshop for ( a Quaker grouping) . Unless your pictures lie, that's not you. I wouldn't mind ( other's than that group ) but it would have to be an very respectful participation. Your recent posts and comments show this isn't going to happen.

You've got a bee in your bonnet concerning ( this group of...) Friends. Four long replies in a row on ____'s blog is the sure sign that's something's wrong and it's only reinforced by you trying to force the largely-unanswered conversation on your own blog. I've seen similar disturbing back-and-forths with ___. The last thing I want is an _____ Friend coming to "lay down the law" on ____ Friends and tell them how to act. You've done it to me in the past and now you're doing it to them. Calling Christian Quaker totalitarians and relating them to Nazis is not tolerant. It's rude and dismissive. It's not about who or what you worship, it's about how you treat your fellows; dismissing an entire religious tradition is not okay. If you're too spiritually advanced to even entertain the notion of a inclusive Christian Quakerism then you're too advanced for anything I'd have to say.

You are obsessing about this way too much. It is very clear that your presence at ______ would be disruptive and condescending and I don't want you there. I would recommend that you in sit in long prayer about your recent activity and share a selection of these posts with your meeting's worship and minsitry committee to help with discernment.
In Friendship,


Dear Lorcan, well, most of the names removed...
I haven't known how to reply to your emails about fill in the name of a Quaker Retreated, Meeting House or School - important that it be a Quaker institution to remove thy victim from any future comfort of feeling welcome at the place without a bad memory of thy hatred, as driving people for whom thee has hatred out of the Society of Friends is the intended outcome of a good piece of hate mail. You do know that they asked me to do a weekend workshop for Fill in any of the usual self-identified communities of Quakers, Gay, Hicksite, Wilberite, Old, Young, Transgendered, Black, White, Jewish, Muggletonian, Ranters, Singing Friends, Ugly Friends, Good Looking Friends..., keep in mind that if some one feels they are one thing or another, a good way to stick it to them is to tell them "you're not". Unless your pictures lie, that's not you good one... right to the gut - no room for wiggle room. It is like the "brown bag test on the light skinned Black clubs in the past, it is a repeat of, hit the road, buddy, thee is too dark, sit on the "Black Benches", not with us White folks. I wouldn't mind a few Blacks, a few Straight people, a few Gays, a wider age range, some Ugly folks, some Good Looking folks, one or two Hicksite, a Jew or two... but it would have to be an very respectful participation i.e.. all you -fill in the ethnic or physical group - guys are pushy, ye all want to be one of us Your recent posts and comments show this isn't going to happen. good point, make sure it is someone thee has never met, who needs to meet another Quaker? We can tell everything about them by how we read what they write, everyone understands everything ever written perfectly well.

You've got a bee in your bonnet concerning fill in the category Friends. no judgement calls here! Assume thee knows everything about the other... Four long replies in a row on name's blog is the sure sign that's something's wrong and it's only reinforced by you trying to force the largely-unanswered conversation on your own blog. 44 comments can be said to be unanswered, but that is not important. The key is that if thee is in a quiet minority, stay that way I've seen similar disturbing back-and-forths with name It is important to let the person know that their concern is meaningless, and if thee labors with another Friend, thee must be queer. The last thing I want is a Black, Jewish, Communist, Gypsy, Hicksite, Wilberite, Older, Gay, Friend coming to "lay down the law" on White, Gay, Straight, Wilberite, Younger, Uglier, Prettier Friends and tell them how to act. You've done it to me in the past and now you're doing it to them Great rhetorical point. Point at some unmentioned past event, should be an event the other has no clue to that thee is writing about, especially if the Friend has on occasion asked thee if all is OK and thee tells the Friend, no, all is good between us... conversation towards clearness just makes thee angry, who needs it? . Calling Christian Quaker totalitarians and relating them to Nazis is not tolerant. Make sure thee says something like this. Something the object of thy hatred never said... It's rude and dismissive. It's not about who or what you worship, it's about how you treat your fellows; dismissing an entire religious tradition is not okay. ah yes, ignore what they really wrote and state thy sureness that it is what the other did, cut thy self off from clearness so that thy hates will define Quakerism in the future as a divided community of angered and sad folks, ready to tell the rest of the world how to make peace. If you're too spiritually advanced to even entertain the notion of a inclusive Christian Quakerism then you're too advanced for anything I'd have to say Great point, any of us who stick their head over the lip of the trench get shot at by another Friend. The act of saying that the statements of others contain the potential for harm should be punished right away. I suggest we dig up William Penn and write him out of meeting for writing No Cross No Crown.

You are obsessing about this way too much. It is very clear that your presence at fill in the Quaker event would be disruptive and condescending and I don't want you there No need for clearness committees, no need to consult other Friends, with the other to speak to the charges in thy hate mail, Quakerism works best when Friends act alone as arbiters of faith and faithfulness . I would recommend that you in sit in long prayer about your recent activity and share a selection of these posts with your meeting's worship and minsitry a misspelling or two lets the other know thee is genuine I do it myself! committee to help with discernment Best part of the hate mail. Point to the other's need for piety, and in that thee can cloak thyself in the warm glow of thy own Quaker piety and perfection.

In Friendship, a nice ironic ending Place thy name here