Response to an email:

From the way you run yourself down, I might give you a caution regarding the new relationship...

Most people have a cartoon image of sadism and masochism. Masochists will trade all that they are, all the power over their life, for the least small recognition of their humanity. Sadists, pour themselves into a masochist's life in order to buy control, and are careful what is given back in exchange, never giving an ounce of mutuality ( another word for unity, the word with which you don't seem comfortable ). The ultimate control over the other is, that after the sadist has taken from the masochist all that the sadist wants, the masochist is abandoned, destroyed and tossed away, often being made to feel by the sadist, that it was all the fault of the masochist in the first place, the ultimate violence being the destruction of the masochist's sense of self.

Often the sadist uses subtle tools, making the masochist believe that all they do causes the sadist pain, and projecting that to the world around them. The proof is in who really has the power in the relationship. The sadist is always... always in complete control, no matter the great show of emotional vulnerability.

I don't think either sadists or masochists are happy doing what they do, the compulsion to do this is unconscious, but I have hope and faith that people can stop doing this to each other by the intervention of reason. Silly me.