Definition of Immutable... and loss of self.

I've worked in civil rights law, a long time, and have testified in court on the immutable nature of certain kinds of identity. A fFriend used the word melodrama to describe my feelings of late about my alienation from various Friends, and in that I have come to understand, inside the sense, the feeling of an immutable element of being.

I was raised a Quaker. I did not choose to become a Quaker, and do not know if I would have found it otherwise, as it is how my mind was formed. It was ... is, a part of me like an arm, a leg, no more like a heart, a mind, a part of me I can't lose. A conflict this past year began the process of my feeling that the safe haven of that identity was at risk. Now, the question of acting for God, or with God... worship of God or idols, this part of my identity as a christian Friend, and the seemingly sometimes anti Semitic reaction by another, has cut close to that sense of self, that safe haven that is that part of me that is Quaker. I can't describe the sense of loss. I ask Friends to try to understand that it just is.