The Church as a Narcissist
Music... can't seem to run from it. I have been asked to do two gigs to which I can't say no... one is a benefit about the church Genie and my wedding was in, slated by the Catholic Church to be destroyed.
The parishioners are so hurt, so deeply sad... in such confusion about how their church could do this to them. I wrote a song, I had only performed a few times... when I wrote it, I thought it was about a friend who did not know the damage she did... lived only slightly aware of her effect on others, I don't know if this was true now... but, the song came to mind for this event, might perform it ... the Church as a narcissistic love, a family member who expects all the love to flow in one direction and to be set aside when it suits. My friend Mary speaks of the terrible sense of abandonment when taught to venerate things, by the church, who then destroys or sells these things when it profits the Church. The Church comes into your life, like a narcissitic love, makes you over, pushes and pulls you by your most private and deep felt wants, fears, hurts, and then one day takes a wreaking ball to all they taught you to love, and says, you never should have believed us in the first place. Fool, you're to blame, not me... go somewhere else, goodbye.
I suppose it is one of the good things about Quakerism, we don't venerate the statues, the buildings, though it would be hurtful to sell and destroy old meeting houses, there are things I do so love in our old meeting. But, our unity can be a buffer against the narcissism of a church which rules from the top down.
I suppose I am writing this as a promise to myself... to remind myself, to force myself to practice so these gigs might be good enough to mean something... so I am writing this instead of practicing, cleaning the house so Kelly can come to rehearse, instead of practicing, I do need to get another flash card for my camera... inst...
friends who wrote such kind and helpful things, thanks... I am trying.
(instead of practicing ? :) )
If only it still came easily.