Anger as Emotional Terrorism in Quaker Meetings

I have seen any number of Friends over the years use anger and anger "justified" by fear in order to control others in Quaker meetings and even control the meeting itself. The response of the meeting, should, I would think, be to gently remind Friends that in order to build a community that does not use inner weapons against each other... that a safe environment to get over fears should be provided through Quaker process. But, more often than not, I have seen meetings simply accept the fears as the cornerstone for relationships between those Friends and the meeting community. Once someone plays the trump card of fear, sensible folks seem to cave and all hope of rational process seems to go out the window.

I dont think Friends who use fear in this way are always aware that they do this... they DO feel the fear, and alow themselves to feel it, because it has worked in the past to get people to do what the person wants them to do. Friends may concider helping each other to be self aware of the use of fear to control others. It is the same with people who have been beaten as children to the point that they are taught to use self destructive behavior to control others, to end controversy and pain, when such a person can't stop the other person from hurting them - they hurt themselves... it isn't the way to go. Friends in conflict should be open, present and above all talk, and if they can't the meeting should help them do that, so Friends don't feel they must be hurt again and again or leave a meeting.

We do not facilitate each other in drug or alcohol use, or in other addictions, we should not facilitate each other in manipulating by one's own fear. Courage feels much better, I should think, than irresolvable conflict that pulls others down deeper and deeper into darkness.