Refugee not pilgrim

The road from refugee to pilgrim is for me still a dream. I thought I was a pilgrim for a long time... I thought that miracle was the coincidences that bring one closer to God... then I believed that God can teach through those around me, and was convinced of miracles... then I realized I don't have the wisdom to understand the meaning of those miracles, or the strength to accept the loss of that light when our errors are compounded by pain... and by hurt, and by others who see the pain and not the hurt and misunderstand, and judge and there is no way to explain, and now, all I can say is I don't know... and in this not knowing, all I do know is I am still a refugee and not a pilgrim.